One by one, we learned that the unthinkable...our little ones had autism. Immediately we went into "FIGHT IT AND FIX IT" mode to try and rescue our children. After years of continuous "Super Parenting" we were exhausted mentally, physically and emotionally. We had lost our home, and moved to a tiny apartment in another city. Our lives were consumed with all out efforts to stop the avalanche that had left our lives, almost unrecognizable.
Before losing our home in our fight to "fix" our children's lives, my husband and I exhausted any anecdotal leads of hope for a cure we found from scouring the internet. We gave up our usual foods and routines and practiced 4 years of strict compliance with the Gluten and Casein Free Diet. We invested countless time and resources into Secretin, Vitamin Supplements, Fish Oil, Medications for Anxiety, intensive in home therapy of Applied Behavioral Analysis/Discrete Trial, Floortime or Child lead Play Therapy, Occupational Therapy, Sensory Integration, Physical Therapy, Auditory Integration Therapy, facilitated Exercise, One on One Speech Therapy, Full Inclusion, Special Education Classes, Mainstreaming, Play-dates, home modifications for therapy equipment, specialized toys, games and swings, hammocks, trampolines, ball pits.....The list is endless.
We were strong advocates for our children investigating and researching to utilize what experts claimed would help them or ease the effects of autism on their lives. At the end of that time, we were exhausted, miserable, blaming ourselves and each other, feeling guilty, depressed and like failures for not working hard enough/trying harder to have been able to cure our children. "If we were better, smarter, richer, more dedicated parents," we told our selves, "perhaps our children would have recovered" and would now be leading more normal lives? To find any sanity and peace in the "right now" we needed to accept that Autism was beyond our ability to "fix".
Years have gone by, our lives are still largely unrecognizable from that fantasy "we always dreamed" they would be. A fellow parent with similar life challenges, committed suicide. In the shock and disbelief that followed, her tragic death was ultimately a wake-up call for me, "Put on your own Oxygen Mask FIRST, before you try to assist others!" It was then my dedication to, "Self Care for Parents" was born.
A year past and then schizoaffective disorder appeared on the horizon and has since become part of my daughter's life. Thankfully, by then I already had many months of attending Al-Anon Parent Meetings for self care under my belt. I had "practiced" self care through working some of the steps with my Sponsor. [Sponsor is an experienced parent with a son/daughter who has/had extremely challenging behaviors, who is practicing the 12 Step Program.] A strong support system was in place and I had "people" and they were unconditionally supportive of me. I had been helped in applying the 12 Steps in "all areas of my life". I had heard in the Al-Anon Meetings that "there is no situation too difficult" for the 12 Step Program to address.
I had already grabbed hold of the real hope that is available through the working of the program. I could experience peace of mind "serenity" and even grow personally and spiritually through the vicissitudes of life, whether my children's (now teens and young adults) situation improved or not. Once we began to apply the Principles of the 12 Step Program to our lives the quality of our lives started to improve. We had to accept our powerlessness over "changing reality" and admit that our lives had become unmanageable. On our own, we were powerless over autism, schizophrenia, other people's lives, behaviors, places and things. We needed a power greater than ourselves to restore us to sanity. With that realization, we had progressed through the First and Second Steps of the 12 Step Program of Quality of Life Recovery for Parents.
Before losing our home in our fight to "fix" our children's lives, my husband and I exhausted any anecdotal leads of hope for a cure we found from scouring the internet. We gave up our usual foods and routines and practiced 4 years of strict compliance with the Gluten and Casein Free Diet. We invested countless time and resources into Secretin, Vitamin Supplements, Fish Oil, Medications for Anxiety, intensive in home therapy of Applied Behavioral Analysis/Discrete Trial, Floortime or Child lead Play Therapy, Occupational Therapy, Sensory Integration, Physical Therapy, Auditory Integration Therapy, facilitated Exercise, One on One Speech Therapy, Full Inclusion, Special Education Classes, Mainstreaming, Play-dates, home modifications for therapy equipment, specialized toys, games and swings, hammocks, trampolines, ball pits.....The list is endless.
We were strong advocates for our children investigating and researching to utilize what experts claimed would help them or ease the effects of autism on their lives. At the end of that time, we were exhausted, miserable, blaming ourselves and each other, feeling guilty, depressed and like failures for not working hard enough/trying harder to have been able to cure our children. "If we were better, smarter, richer, more dedicated parents," we told our selves, "perhaps our children would have recovered" and would now be leading more normal lives? To find any sanity and peace in the "right now" we needed to accept that Autism was beyond our ability to "fix".
Years have gone by, our lives are still largely unrecognizable from that fantasy "we always dreamed" they would be. A fellow parent with similar life challenges, committed suicide. In the shock and disbelief that followed, her tragic death was ultimately a wake-up call for me, "Put on your own Oxygen Mask FIRST, before you try to assist others!" It was then my dedication to, "Self Care for Parents" was born.
A year past and then schizoaffective disorder appeared on the horizon and has since become part of my daughter's life. Thankfully, by then I already had many months of attending Al-Anon Parent Meetings for self care under my belt. I had "practiced" self care through working some of the steps with my Sponsor. [Sponsor is an experienced parent with a son/daughter who has/had extremely challenging behaviors, who is practicing the 12 Step Program.] A strong support system was in place and I had "people" and they were unconditionally supportive of me. I had been helped in applying the 12 Steps in "all areas of my life". I had heard in the Al-Anon Meetings that "there is no situation too difficult" for the 12 Step Program to address.
I had already grabbed hold of the real hope that is available through the working of the program. I could experience peace of mind "serenity" and even grow personally and spiritually through the vicissitudes of life, whether my children's (now teens and young adults) situation improved or not. Once we began to apply the Principles of the 12 Step Program to our lives the quality of our lives started to improve. We had to accept our powerlessness over "changing reality" and admit that our lives had become unmanageable. On our own, we were powerless over autism, schizophrenia, other people's lives, behaviors, places and things. We needed a power greater than ourselves to restore us to sanity. With that realization, we had progressed through the First and Second Steps of the 12 Step Program of Quality of Life Recovery for Parents.
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same topiсs dіscusѕеd in this artiсle?
I'd really lοve tо be а part of group wherе I can get resρonseѕ from
other exрerienced indivіduals that share thе
sаme inteгest. If yоu have any suggеstions, please let
me know. Kudos!
Mу wеb blog baby advise
Great idea!!! There are individuals in the Parent's Meetings of Al-Anon that I attend. There are parents there that are dealing with autism, but come to the Al-Anon Parent's meeting anyway because the recovery process from those challenging situations is the same. In Al-Anon meetings I talk about myself and my feelings, rather than focus on specifics about my children. I learn from what others share about their own personal and spiritual growth and how they now live lives that are more hopeful, peaceful and enjoyable. Recovery is something I am working on as Self Care for me!
DeleteMy situation has not changed dramatically, but I have changed and that has made all the difference for me.
I love your idea! I wish I knew of a resource out there beyond Al-Anon meetings, but I do not. I would love to learn how to start something like that online. In my mind, I dream of starting a website for parents of kids with challenges like autism or mental illness, where 12 Step experience, strength and hope can be given and received.